All You Need Is Love
by madkrizzy
Summary: A collection of one shots. Mainly Valduggery but possibly some Ghanith or China/Skulduggery plus other ships if requested. :)
1. Valduggery - Cute Times with Alice

"Ste… Steph… Stephan…" Alice gurgled. Valkyrie laughed as she watched her little sister struggle through the syllables of her given name.

"And who's that?" Valkyrie said, pointing to the skeleton sitting in the corner of the room, idly twirling fire around in his hand while he thought about a case.

"Skul… Skull!" Alice shouted decidedly. "Skull!"

"Looks like you've got a new nickname, Skulduggery," Valkyrie commented as Alice crawled over towards the skeleton.

"Nickname? No thanks," he said, extinguishing the flame in his hand as he spun round to face Valkyrie.

"Skull!" Alice said again, almost at Skulduggery's foot. He moved it away and watched as Alice turned to crawl towards it again.

"I don't know, she seems rather taken with that name," Valkyrie said. "It's not exactly inaccurate though, is it?"

"And neither is the term 'flesh' for you, yet you don't see me calling you that, do you?" Skulduggery pointed out.

"Give her a break, Skull." Valkyrie winked. "She is only two, after all."

Skulduggery did not reply, instead picking Alice up with both hands and sitting her on his lap. She giggled happily and started playing with his tie.

"She's really quite taken with you," Valkyrie said.

"Yes."

"She likes your tie."

"So it seems."

"Go on. Admit it."

"I'm sorry?" Valkyrie could almost see Skulduggery raise an eyebrow as he cocked his head to the side.

"You like playing with Alice, don't you?" she said.

"She does seem to be good company, if that's what you mean."

"Skull!" Alice helpfully shouted out again, pulling on Skulduggery's tie and making him jerk forward. Valkyrie couldn't help but laugh.

Skulduggery _harrumphed _and put Alice down on the floor, where she quickly crawled over to her older sister.

"Hello, Alice," Valkyrie said, holding Alice's hand as she attempted to get up and keep her balance.

"It seems silly to think that out of anyone in the world, you two are the ones directly descended from the Ancients."

"How so?" Valkyrie smirked.

"Well, look. I mean, it's you and a two year old who harness some of the most powerful magic in the world."

"And that's unbelievable how?"

"Because… Well, Alice isn't that unbelievable, but you?"

Valkyrie feigned hurt. "Well, aren't you nice?"

"I wouldn't trust you with my hat, let alone that kind of magic."

"Shut up." Valkyrie smirked again, throwing one of Alice's toys to the other side of the room and encouraging her to crawl over there to get it.

"Or what?" Skulduggery said, once again cocking his head to the side. She loved it when he did that.

"Or I might have to make you."

"Oh really?" Skulduggery said, leaning forward in his chair so that his face was eye level with Valkyrie's. She leant in so that their noses were touching.

"Really."

"And just how would you go about doing that, young lady?"

Valkyrie pressed her lips to Skulduggery's bony teeth, which were quickly covered over by soft lips as Skulduggery activated his façade. He pulled her up onto his lap and kissed her cheek.

"Is that a good enough way to shut you up?" Valkyrie asked.

"Oh, I'd talk much more if I knew that was coming every time," Skulduggery answered, and this time Valkyrie could see him smirk.

"I don't know if I'd be able to cope with much more talking," Valkyrie said, laughing. "I'd probably walk."

"I'll hold back on it then," Skulduggery said, smiling.

Valkyrie's attention suddenly turned to Alice gurgling in the corner of the room. She'd managed to reclaim her toy and was now in the process of chewing its ear off. When she noticed Valkyrie staring at her, she abandoned the toy and crawled over to her.

Valkyrie clambered off Skulduggery's lap and sat down on the floor, cradling Alice in her arms. Skulduggery tried to amuse her with a fireball but had to whisk it out of the way a couple of times when Alice's curiosity meant her fingers got too close.

The clock on the living room wall struck four. Her parents would be home soon.

"Right, Alice, you're going to have to say goodbye to Skulduggery because he's got to go, okay?"

"Skull!"

"Yes, that's right. Skull's got to go now. Can you wave at him?"

Alice tried to wave, giggling. Skulduggery smiled and waved back.

"Good girl."

She picked Alice up and went upstairs, Skulduggery following behind her. She called to her reflection, who was sitting complacently in her bedroom, and told her that she'd be leaving with Skulduggery soon. The reflection merely nodded in response.

After walking into Alice's room and placing Alice in her cot, Valkyrie turned to Skulduggery.

"You were a good father, I can tell," Valkyrie said.

"I tried to be," Skulduggery replied nonchalantly.

Valkyrie couldn't see any way fit to continue that train of thought, so she took Skulduggery's hand and led him out of the room, into her own. The reflection looked up from her homework, shrugged and then continued whatever she was doing.

"Back to mine?" Skulduggery asked, opening the window and holding Valkyrie's waist as they clambered over the windowsill so they could drop. She didn't need help any more, but she liked the way his arm fitted around her hip so she didn't complain.

"Back to yours," Valkyrie agreed.

The Bentley was parked outside the front of the house, and Valkyrie got into the passenger side while Skulduggery took his time admiring his prized possession.

"You really do love this car, don't you?"

"She's wonderful. Just like this certain other girl I happen to know."

"Do I know this girl?"

"Probably. Quite short, cocky, but incredibly witty sometimes and very beautiful."

"Nope, haven't heard of her," Valkyrie said.

"Probably a good thing I haven't either, then. I might be tempted to go for her instead of you," Skulduggery teased, kissing her on the cheek. He started the car and drove halfway up the road before stopping abruptly. Valkyrie was flown forward in her seat, narrowly missing the dashboard as her head shot forward.

"What was _that _for?" she shouted, slapping him as he smirked.

"Seatbelt."


	2. Ghanith - Training Session

**A/N: Why hello there! Thank you for taking the time to read this :) A reviewer said they'd like to see a bit of Ghanith, so Ghanith it is! My friend gave me a rough idea for this one, and I think it's quite cute! Thanks for reading x**

* * *

Why had she been so nice and agreed to teach him? He put in so much effort, bless him, but his sword skills were shocking. In quite an amusing way, Tanith thought.

"Ghastly, your hand grip is all wrong," she said, holding up her sword and showing him the correct way to hold it. "You have to treat it like an extension of your own arm - how can you do that when your grip is so rigid?"

Ghastly moved his grip slightly and looked at the floor rather sheepishly. All he wanted to do was impress Tanith but he was getting it all wrong! He wanted to fight like Tanith, so he'd asked her for lessons and rather surprisingly she'd agreed, so long as he taught her some tailoring techniques later. Apparently she wanted to make her own corset. He had just the material for that, a deep red that would accentuate her features and show off her figure...

"Ghastly Bespoke, are you listening to me?" Tanith shouted, startling him and waking him from his thoughts. Ghastly looked up at Tanith and smiled.

"Hands. Right." He moved his grip once more to make a point but Tanith sighed at the sight.

"Let me show you," she said, walking behind him and moving his hands to the correct position. She kept her hands on his as she lifted the sword up and brought it down to the floor on one fluid motion.

"Just like that," she said, lifting her hands and going off to practice with her own sword whilst Ghastly got the hang on holding his sword correctly.

"Just like that," Ghastly grumbled.

Tanith ran at the mannequin and slit its throat before running her blade across its elbow joints, leaving parts of its arms to drop to the floor. She jumped off the wall onto the ceiling and stuck her sword through its head, prompting a flurry of feathers to protrude from its neck. For good measure, she moved her sword slightly and decapitated the mannequin. Easy.

Ghastly watched in awe of her movements, having placed his sword on the floor moments earlier.

Tanith moved onto a second mannequin, deciding to practice her hand to hand combat instead. She punched the jaw of the mannequin before kicking its legs, which would have made it collapse if it wasn't for the wooden pole keeping it upright. She kicked it in the groin before kneeing it in the face. Ghastly winced involuntarily at the sight. That would hurt.

As he watched, he found himself picking out little points for improvement. A foot wrong here, a punch slightly too high there - all little things that, if improved, would help her fighting no end.

"Tanith?" Ghastly shouted. It took three attempts to get her attention - she was so focused on beating the living daylights out of the mannequin.

"Yes?" she grunted, annoyed that her training had been interrupted. True, she was meant to be training Ghastly, but she had to train a little bit too, right?

"Your skills are rather astounding," Ghastly started.

"Of course," Tanith replied, smirking.

"However," Ghastly continued, "I think certain… slight adjustments could be made to make them completely astounding."

"Yeah?" Tanith arched an eyebrow. "And what would they be?"

Ghastly stepped over to the mannequin, ignoring Tanith's eyes staring at his back as he moved.

"When you punch, you tend to overstep a bit," he said. "It leaves you more vulnerable to close range attacks, especially if someone managed to get to the backs of your knees whilst you were punching."

"I see," Tanith replied. She hadn't noticed it before, but it was good to have someone to help point things like that out.

Ghastly motioned to her to stand where he was standing, and told her to go in for a punch. She did as she was told, and Ghastly struck the backs of her knees as her fist connected with the mannequin's face. She wobbled and ended up on the floor.

"See what I mean?"

Tanith nodded, jumping up and brushing the dirt from her bare shoulders.

"So if you were to do it again," Ghastly said as Tanith got back into position, "you'd need to make sure that your feet didn't get within a foot's distance of the other person."

He took hold of her hips and told her to go in for a punch again, but slightly slower this time. As she did, he held her hips in place so that she couldn't overstep.

"It takes a bit of getting used to," Ghastly admitted as Tanith moaned about the shorter reach she was getting because of her foot placement, "but it does end up making you a stronger fighter. One with fewer vulnerabilities."

Tanith smirked. Ghastly really knew his stuff. She liked that.

"Can we practice it again?" she asked, going back to where she had originally stood. Ghastly nodded and placed his hands on her hips again.

Ten practice punches later and Tanith thought she'd nailed it.

"Right, now do it without me holding your hips," Ghastly said, stepping away.

Tanith readied herself, stepped in for a punch and stepped in exactly the right place. No overstepping and a practically perfect punch.

"Nice," Ghastly commented as Tanith smiled at her work.

"It was nicer having a support though," she admitted. Ghastly didn't really know how to reply to that, so merely shrugged.

"Perhaps you can help me train again sometime?" Tanith said. "You're really good at this coaching stuff."

"Sounds good to me," Ghastly agreed.

"Perhaps we'll lay off the sword stuff for a while though - I'd like to keep my head!"

Ghastly laughed and nodded. He wanted her to keep her head too. Her beautiful head with those beautiful, tousled ringlets…

Tanith kissed him on the cheek and thanked him once again, before running off. Ghastly caught something she said about needing to see Skulduggery and Valkyrie about a case, but he wasn't really listening. He was more focused on the kiss Tanith had planted on his face. Perhaps he was finally getting somewhere.

"Maybe we can still have steak sometime?" he eventually called out. "After your next training session, perhaps?"

Tanith stuck her thumb up in the air in response as she ran out of the door.

Steak it was.


	3. Valduggery - A Scapegrace Snowman

Snow was falling fast outside and Valkyrie was very glad of a radiator and a mug of hot tea inside. She looked out of the window and was shocked to see how much had fallen in the last couple of hours alone.

"Still snowing?" Skulduggery said to her as he walked in.

"Yes. If you'd have been bothered to look out of the window as you came in you would have seen that."

"Yes, but I was looking where I was going. Otherwise I could have fallen into something."

"Like the box in front of you?"

Skulduggery came to a sudden halt and looked down. The only thing on the floor was the old wood panelling that Gordon had put in years ago.

"Lies."

"Naturally. It's funny when you think you've missed something."

Skulduggery grumbled something incomprehensible and sat down on the sofa next to Valkyrie.

"So, are you enjoying the cold weather?" he asked.

"Are you kidding? It's… cold. And wet."

"Common features of cold weather, I might add."

Valkyrie slapped Skulduggery on the arm, but the impact made her jolt and her tea spilt down the sides of the mug.

"Don't blame me," Skulduggery said as Valkyrie stared at him. "You did it."

Valkyrie debated hitting him again, but decided against it. The tea burnt even though she was cold, and she didn't need any burns. Instead, she splayed her hand and moved Skulduggery's hat across the room. He tried to get it back, but her training had made her a lot stronger and she battled to keep it from his grasp. She flicked her wrist and it went flying down the corridor. Skulduggery got up to go and retrieve it, and as he walked back into the room Valkyrie managed to take it out of his hand once again and place it on her head.

"Getting slow?" Valkyrie said, winking at him. She could almost see the smirk on his face.

"Not at all," he replied. "I'd get it off you in an instant if you didn't look so cute in it."

Valkyrie smiled. "Why, thank you. You look rather dashing in that suit."

"The same one I wear every day?"

"Yes."

"You've never commented on it before."

"Shush. You're ruining the moment."

"Am I? Sorry."

Valkyrie finished off the rest of her tea and walked into the kitchen. Skulduggery followed her. She put her mug in the sink, ready to be washed up later, and looked out of the window.

"Do you want to build a snowman?"

"What?" Skulduggery spat out.

"Do you want to build a snowman?"

"Why would I want to build a snowman?" Skulduggery sounded very confused about the concept.

"Because it's fun," Valkyrie said, resisting the urge to add 'duh' at the end of her sentence. "It's what you do when it snows."

"Do you? I've not done that. Ever."

"You're kidding."

Skulduggery shook his head.

"You are building a snowman. Right now."

Valkyrie bounded outside, Skulduggery in tow. She took a couple of steps outside before retracing them.

"Not right now. I need a coat first," she said, shivering. "Wait here, I'll be two minutes."

Valkyrie, now fully kitted out in a duffle coat, a scarf and gloves, complete with Skulduggery's hat, took Skulduggery's hand and led him outside.

"I'm still trying to work out whether or not you're messing with me."

"I'm not," Skulduggery said. "I'd make a lie much more interesting."

Valkyrie nodded. He was probably right.

"Make a ball of snow." Valkyrie made one of her own to show Skulduggery, who opened his mouth to speak. "Just do it."

Skulduggery did as he was told, copying Valkyrie as she rolled her snowball around in the snow on the ground. Soon enough, his snowball had become big enough for the head of the snowman, with Valkyrie's the right size for the body.

"Fetch us a couple of sticks, will you?" Valkyrie asked, lifting the head so it was positioned on top of the body. Skulduggery splayed his hand and a couple of the twigs on the ground at the other end of the garden flew at Valkyrie, who caught them. She stuck them in the sides of the snowman, before picking up a few loose bits of gravel that had been left in the garden from one of Gordon's DIY projects that ended up failing and sticking them on as eyes and a mouth.

"Did we buy carrots?" Valkyrie asked.

Skulduggery shrugged. "I don't know. I don't like carrots - it seems I can't really eat them."

"Helpful. I'll go and check," Valkyrie said, leaving Skulduggery with the snowman. She went into the kitchen and was surprised by how warm it was inside - she forgot how much she loved heating sometimes. She glanced out of the window before opening the fridge, and saw Skulduggery trying to manipulate the air so he could get the snowman's arms to wave at her. She beamed at him, before grabbing a carrot out of the fridge and going back outside, shivering as the cold hit.

"Apparently we do have carrots."

"Is that good?"

Valkyrie stuck the carrot in the middle of the snowman's face. "Very."

They both stepped back to admire their creation.

"It looks like Scapegrace," Skulduggery commented.

"It does not!" Valkyrie found herself actively defending the snowman.

"It kind of does. Admit it."

Valkyrie shook her head. "I refuse to."

Skulduggery manipulated the air again, making the arms waves and the nose fall off.

"See? Breaking body parts, no coordination? Scapegrace."

Valkyrie reluctantly agreed, laughing slightly. "Okay, I see it."

"Good."

Valkyrie suddenly shivered and Skulduggery tried to remedy it by putting his arm around her. It was of little use - he was only bone, after all - but Valkyrie still snuggled into his side.

"Inside?" Skulduggery asked. He felt Valkyrie's head moving in a nod against his side. Kissing the top of her head lightly, he walked her back inside, leaving the Scapegrace Snowman on its own.

Skulduggery made Valkyrie a mug of hot chocolate while she curled up on the sofa, trying to regain some warmth. It must have been cold out there to have taken the energy out of her so quickly.

He walked into the living room and placed the mug in between Valkyrie's hands. She inhaled the steam that was rising from the drink and smiled, sipping a little before putting it on the table at the end of the sofa.

"Still cold?" Skulduggery asked.

A small nod.

"Would I help?"

Another nod, followed by a smile. Valkyrie shifted over on the sofa to let Skulduggery sit down. He promptly placed an arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. Turning round, they both saw the Scapegrace Snowman slowly being enveloped by snow, before facing each other and pressing their lips to one another's.


	4. China and Skulduggery - In The Library

"Skulduggery, I don't understand you sometimes," China chirruped, making her way through her extensive library.

"I'm surprised you understand me any of the time, to be honest," Skulduggery replied, following China through the maze of books.

"Well, you tend not to make much sense," she commented.

"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that. I'm surprised you understand most people – it must take a lot of effort!" he replied, and China imagined him smirking. She turned round and slapped his arm, chuckling.

"At least I have a brain in my skull," she said, and Skulduggery feigned hurt.

"And you're using it to do what, exactly? Be almost as clever as I am without one?" A wink, China imagined.

"Shut up, Skulduggery," China conceded, rushing off towards the back of the library. Skulduggery celebrated his small win before catching up to her – he still got lost in this labyrinth, even after all the times they'd been in here.

* * *

"Slowcoach!" China yelled behind her as Skulduggery failed to keep up. True, she had been boosting her speed with one of the sigils on her legs, but he had the power to manipulate the air so technically he should be able to keep pace.

"Skulduggery!" she called out, momentarily looking behind but not catching even a glimpse of the familiar skeleton figure.

"Skulduggery?" she called out again, a quiver of doubt in her voice this time. Had he left her? Was he bored? Or was he-

"Boo!" Skulduggery shouted, jumping out from behind a bookcase. China screamed and jumped backwards, before slapping Skulduggery in the face.

An asshole. He was an asshole.

"You, you…"

"Extremely dashing and charming skeleton?" Skulduggery suggested, adjusting his hat. It had fallen awry after he had jumped out at China.

"No," China said rather grimly, but she couldn't help the smirk that appeared on her face.

"Glad to see you agree with me," Skulduggery replied, touching the part of her lip that curved upwards just enough to show a smirk. "Your facial expressions give you away."

"You don't have to worry about that," China commented. "You do tend to cock your head to the side a lot when you're confused, though."

"Do I?" he asked, doing exactly as China said he would, before straightening up. "I do not!"

"Of course you don't – the great skeleton detective would never be confused," China said, chuckling.

"No," he agreed, straightening his tie and striding off to another part of the library, letting China trail behind. He didn't like not having the high ground, so walking off was the best thing to do.

China smiled – she did like proving Skulduggery wrong.

* * *

"China."

"Skulduggery."

"China. Why?"

"It's funny."

"But is it really?" Skulduggery sighed.

"Yes." China walked around the invisible forcefield in which Skulduggery was currently contained.

"I suppose it's payback."

"Justified, I think."

"How are you even keeping this thing up? There's no sigil that you're standing on or pressing, so how is it working?" A signature cock of the head.

"Oh dear, have I confused poor Skulduggery again?"

"Seriously."

"A pattern of invisible sigils woven into the carpet. I say invisible – I can see them, but no one else can. I'm very carefully stepping to keep that forcefield in place. The sigils are everywhere – personal protection, my friend."

"So naturally you're using them to protect yourself from me?" Skulduggery said, wanting to gesture but getting kept back by the forcefield. His arms bounced off the forcefield when he did so, which made China howl with laughter.

"Naturally," she replied, recovering from her fit of laughter and composing herself, continuing to walk round the forcefield with unnerving precision.

"Care to explain why?"

"I need to stop you getting too close. Emotional attachments tend to… distract me from my work."

"I'd love to be a distraction," Skulduggery commented, and China laughed.

"Perhaps later. I have a couple more books to collect before that can happen."

"I'll wait," Skulduggery said, and China imagined a cheesy love scene from one of those low budget, badly scripted films. "Now let me out."


	5. Valduggery - Decision Time

Valkyrie was nestled in a chair focusing intently on And The Darkness Rained Upon Them when Skulduggery came over, steaming mug of tea in hand. She smiled, barely looking up from the book - Tanith had said it was a good read, and she hadn't been lying. Of course, that was a long time ago, before she... changed. The recommendation was still valid, however.

"How's the book?" Skulduggery asked, crouching down beside her.

"Good," Valkyrie said. "Gordon-y."

"A surprise, no doubt."

"Indeed."

Valkyrie closed the book and placed it on the table in front of her, before picking up the mug of tea and turning to face Skulduggery.

"Skulduggery, are you okay?"

"Me? I'm fine. More than fine. Dandy."

"Really?" Valkyrie arched an eyebrow.

"Really."

She stared at him for a minute.

"Liar."

"I disagree."

"You would. I can tell you're lying - you always cock your head sideways if there's something wrong."

"Damn you, reflexes."

"It's kinda cute, you know. Your hat tilts so it almost falls off your head."

"Hm." A hint of uncertainty worked its way into Skulduggery's voice through just one syllable.

"What's the matter?" Valkyrie asked, taking a sip of her tea. Skulduggery always made the best tea - pretty ironic, she thought, since he couldn't actually drink it himself.

Skulduggery thought about how best to broach the subject. He could go in, all guns blazing, or he could be more tactful. Both methods had their flaws. He knew what he couldn't do though, and that was leave it. He had to talk to Valkyrie about it now.

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery started, his voice losing its usual jokiness, the tone being replaced with one of seriousness.

"Skulduggery." Valkyrie tried to mock his voice, but she just burst out laughing at her own voice. This was not how Skulduggery had expected to start this conversation.

"Valkyrie," he pleaded, and she looked at him straight, placing her mug of tea on the table.

"We need to talk."

"And here we are. Talking," Valkyrie replied. "Voice boxes are wonders, aren't they? Well, in my case."

"Valkyrie Cain."

She stopped talking.

"You are a lovely person. Don't get me wrong. You're strong, clever, friendly and beautiful. So, so beautiful."

"I am indeed," Valkyrie said, winking at Skulduggery. She didn't even get so much as a smile in return.

He sighed. "You don't know how hard you're making this for me."

"Making what?" Cogs turned in Valkyrie's head. "Skulduggery..."

"I'm sorry, Valkyrie. I just..." He trailed off and Valkyrie could have sworn she heard him stifle a sob. "I want this to work. I want us to work."

"Skulduggery, are you breaking up with me?"

He bowed his head sadly, as if paying respect to something lost.

"I'm sorry, Val. I love you but this - whatever this is - it just isn't working."

"Why can't it work? We can make it work, I can make it work..." She could feel small tears making their way down her cheeks.

"I'm just afraid of..." He sighed loudly. Offending Valkyrie was the last thing he wanted to do. "I'm afraid of what you might do. What Darquesse might do."

Valkyrie wiped the tears off her face, though they were quickly replaced with new ones.

"You're afraid of me?" she whispered.

"In essence, yes. I don't want to get hurt by something that could be out of your control, and I assume that you don't want to hurt me."

"Wow, Skulduggery."

He moved his head to one side, confused.

"You're breaking up with me yet you still manage to make it all about you, don't you?" Valkyrie spat. "I guess you want me to tell you how good you are for trying to avoid harm. Throw a guilt trip in there too, why don't you? Saying I don't want to hurt you. Nice touch."

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery started.

"No, no, let's do what you think is best. What's good for you, not for us," Valkyrie said. Words flew out of her mouth faster than she was thinking. "Please, don't let me interrupt your break up any longer."

"Valkyrie, that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean? You know what, I don't want to know. Save it for one of your other partners." Valkyrie stormed outside, through the front door that had been knocked off its hinges once again. No one had ever bothered to put it back up. She picked up the keys to the Bentley on the way.

Skulduggery followed her, jumping over her and beating her to the Bentley.

"If you think you're driving off in that, you are mistaken."

"And if you think that's going to stop me, you are mistaken," Valkyrie said. "What is it with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you have to stop me doing things all the time?"

"It's my car. And you don't drive."

"Not what I meant. Why do you protect me if you don't love me?"

"I do, it's just..."

"Just the minor issue of me being Darquesse? Well, I'm sorry but that was hardly my choice! You have your secrets too, and you could harm me in the same way."

"Exactly. That's why I think it's best if we part. Neither of us will hurt the other then."

"Well, not physically, anyway," Valkyrie replied, tears streaking her cheeks. She wished Skulduggery could cry sometimes, just to see whether or not he would be right now. She doubted it.

"Besides, if you loved me, you'd stay." Her turn at a guilt trip.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"You don't seem to realise that I actually have some control over Darquesse. Are you forgetting that?"

"No, but... When Darquesse gets stronger, your control will weaken. I don't want to have to put our agreement into action."

Valkyrie knew that was true. She didn't want that to happen either, even though she'd suggested it.

"Fine. Break up with me. Just go. Please." Bigger tears stained her cheeks this time.

"Valkyrie, I'm so sorry..."

"I said just go!" Valkyrie shouted, throwing the keys on the ground. Skulduggery merely nodded, picking up the keys and getting into the Bentley. Valkyrie followed him, tapping on the window. He opened it.

"I thought you told me to just go. Twice."

"I did," Valkyrie agreed. "Just..." She kissed him lightly where his lips should have been.

"Now go. Please."

Skulduggery did as he was told, driving off into the dark night. She didn't even get so much as a wave goodbye.

She didn't feel like reading any more - her tea must have been cold anyway - so she just lay down on the ground, looking up at the moon, not even bothering to wipe the tears off her soaking face.


	6. Valkyrie and Fletcher - Are You Jealous?

"Fletch, you coming?" Valkyrie shouted up the stairs. He always took so long to get ready - obviously styling his hair to make it look like he had been dragged through a hedge backwards took dedication and skill.

"Yeah," he said nonchalantly. That kind of response meant he was going to be at least another ten minutes.

"I'll wait outside," she replied, sighing in a mixture of resignation and boredom. She was just going to have to get used to Fletcher taking longer than her to get ready.

"Boo!"

Valkyrie screamed as her boyfriend appeared in front of the door, blocking her route out. Fletcher doubled over in laughter at her expression and reaction.

"Not funny." She glared at him.

"Totally funny," he replied between gasps of breath. "So funny."

Another glare and a slight nudge in the stomach stopped Fletcher laughing.

"Now that was funny," Valkyrie said, walking off towards her car.

Fletcher pulled a sulky face before following her.

"Why do we have to go in your car?" Fletcher whined.

"So that we don't look suspicious, you idiot."

"What do you mean? I blend in perfectly."

"With that hair?" Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.

"Point taken. But it's so slow going in the car. Teleporting would be so much quicker."

"Because that wouldn't look odd at all."

"No one would notice."

"You're saying no one would notice two people appearing out of thin air in the middle of an art gallery?"

"Yes." Fletcher nodded, a deadly serious expression on his face. Valkyrie held in her laugh - he genuinely meant what he'd said.

"It's a good thing you've got a pretty face, I tell you," she remarked.

* * *

"Valkyrie! Fletcher." Skulduggery's voice got louder as he saw Valkyrie approach, then fell as he saw her boyfriend turn the corner.

Boyfriend. The very thought made him shudder. What on Earth did Val see in the boy? He didn't have Skulduggery's wit, charm or great taste in hats, so Skulduggery was at a loss to what made Fletcher so attractive. He hoped it wasn't the hair.

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie called out, her walk turning into a run as she saw her best friend and partner in stopping crime standing by the entrance to the art gallery. Fletcher turned his already awkward walk into an even more awkward run, not wanting to be left behind.

"Way to make an entrance," Skulduggery said as Valkyrie ran into him.

"Val, why don't I ever get hugs like that?" Fletcher asked as he caught up. Valkyrie apologised and turned round to face Fletcher.

"My poor little Fletch," she said, kissing him on the cheek. He saw his opportunity and took it, kissing her on the lips.

Skulduggery cleared his throat, just about controlling the urge to gag. "If you wouldn't mind. We do have a highly secret operation to run."

Fletcher stuck a hand up in response, asking for a little more time.

"Valkyrie Cain."

"Skulduggery Pleasant," she replied, pulling away from Fletcher.

"Please stop kissing your boyfriend."

"Why, you jealous?" she said, smirking and winking.

Skulduggery grumbled something in response, vaguely resembling an agreement that Valkyrie didn't hear.

"I'm leaving," Skulduggery said to no one in particular, knowing no one was listening. Wrapping his scarf around his skull, donning his sunglasses and adjusting his hat, he was ready to start this operation with or without Valkyrie.

* * *

"Why can't we just teleport into the vault thingy?" Fletcher asked for at least the fifth time.

"Because," Skulduggery said through gritted teeth, "it will set off the alarms and then we'll get caught."

"But surely we can just fight them off? I mean, we've done that before."

"They're Cleavers, Fletch," Valkyrie said.

"Doesn't that mean they're on our side?" Fletcher raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

Skulduggery sighed. Fletcher obviously hadn't been listening at the briefing - but then that was a normal occurrence.

"They're under the orders of the Grand Mage," Skulduggery explained, restraining the urge to throttle Fletcher. "They've been told to hurt anyone who tries to steal the diamond inside the vault. We fit that category."

"But we're working for the Sanctuary, so aren't we helping the Grand Mage?"

"We're working against them for the time being," Valkyrie replied. "They're trying to protect the diamond, but we need it for something they don't know about yet."

"Oh, so we're like double agents?" Fletcher said excitedly.

Skulduggery was about to offer a sarcastic response when he noticed a Cleaver walking towards them. It hadn't seen them yet, but if they didn't move soon, they'd have one hell of a fight on their hands.

He signalled to Valkyrie and Fletcher to get them to walk into the next room, before swiftly following them.

Walking around the room, being careful not to make any noise that would attract the attention of a Cleaver, Skulduggery looked for any other route to get to the vault, but found nothing. They needed to go down that corridor.

"Keep low and quiet," Skulduggery instructed, pulling his gun out of his jacket pocket. "This could get messy."

Fletcher saluted the skeleton, and Skulduggery couldn't work out whether he was being sarcastic or not. He wished he had eyes to roll.

Creeping back out into the corridor, Skulduggery cursed as he saw the Cleaver running straight for him.

"So much for being quiet," he mumbled, firing a shot at the Cleaver. Unfazed, the Cleaver kept walking.

"Valkyrie!" the detective called out, firing another couple of shots to try and deter the Cleaver. Little did Skulduggery know, Valkyrie and Fletcher were sat listening to music and holding hands at this precise moment in time. The troubles of young love.

The shots Skulduggery had fired had had completely the opposite effect, attracting two other Cleavers from other parts of the gallery.

"Valkyrie!" he shouted again. "I really don't want to die at the hands of a scythe, so if you could come out here and help it would be appreciated!"

Three scythes whirled past different parts of Skulduggery's body, and he screeched as he realised he was surrounded with no help. Why had he asked Valkyrie and Fletcher to help? Why not Ghastly, or Dexter, or someone with higher priorities than their relationship?

He backed into the room he'd sent Valkyrie and Fletcher into, managing to keep the Cleavers at bay as he walked. Just.

"Valkyrie Cain, do not make me use your true name to get you to do something!" Skulduggery shouted, as one of the Cleavers got slightly too close and managed to slice one of his fingers off.

"As if you'd dare," she said stubbornly, taking out her earphone and handing it to Fletcher. He looked up at the detective, blushed and quickly stuffed the mp3 player into his pocket.

"Well, she'd be helpful right about now," Skulduggery replied, glaring at Valkyrie just long enough for a Cleaver to take a step towards him and take his left hand off. "Shame, I was just beginning to like having two hands."

Huffing, Valkyrie got up and started throwing fireballs at the Cleavers, who suddenly realised they had more than one person to deal with. Two Cleavers ran over to Valkyrie, but she punched them both in the stomach and kicked the backs of their knees. They crumpled to the floor, giving Valkyrie just enough time to heave her boyfriend off the floor and try and convince him to help - he'd frozen in fear.

Fletcher grabbed Skulduggery and Valkyrie and before they'd had time to blink he'd teleported them outside the art gallery.

"What did you do that for!?" Skulduggery shouted, staring hard at Fletcher.

"I thought you needed help," he protested.

"With the fight, not with escaping!"

"What happened to advancing in reverse?" Fletcher said.

"Girls, put down your handbags," Valkyrie burst in. "Skulduggery, you were going to get sliced to shreds in there."

Skulduggery _harrumphed _but said nothing.

"Fletch, well done." She smiled at him, and gained a hug in return. Skulduggery felt sick for at least the third time today.

The detective changed the subject. "This still doesn't help us getting the diamond."

"This diamond?" Fletcher said, pulling a small object out of his back pocket. Valkyrie's face lit up at the sight.

"Oh, Fletcher, that's brilliant!" she said.

"Yes," Skulduggery grumbled. "Just brilliant."

"How did you manage that?" Valkyrie asked, smirking proudly at Skulduggery. She knew her boyfriend was helpful in these kinds of tasks, despite Skulduggery's usual doubt and scepticism.

"I remembered I'd been to the vault once before – can't remember why – so I just teleported in there, grabbed the diamond and came out again, before rescuing you two from that rubbish situation with the Cleavers," Fletcher stated, looking pretty pleased with himself. It wasn't often that he did something better than Skulduggery, and he was going to milk it as much as he could.

"I could have managed perfectly well without your help, thank you very much," Skulduggery complained.

"Because you looked like you were doing so well in there," Valkyrie pointed out. "You lost a hand."

"Never really needed two." Skulduggery said defensively.

"You just don't want to admit that my boyfriend actually helped you, do you? He's more than a pretty face!"

"Yeah!" Fletcher agreed, before turning round to kiss Valkyrie. He knew Skulduggery liked Valkyrie a little more than just as a friend, so this was guaranteed to add salt to the wound. Skulduggery stood and tried not to sulk.

Valkyrie laughed in delight and pulled Fletcher closer, shooting a 'Go away' look at Skulduggery. He did as he was told – for once – and left them to face the oncoming onslaught of Cleavers.

"Let's see how you like that," he said, straightening his tie and walking off towards his Bentley.


End file.
